my journey with truth

Archive for the ‘Blake Cash’ Category

Dear Beatrice,

Sorry I haven’t written in a very long time.  I’m just gonna tell things going on right now.  Well, Kelly and I are becoming closer day by day.  We got crosses for confirmation.  Now, to update you on guys.  I am completely and totally in love with Blake Cash and Brett Hairston!  Blake has eyelashes that make you go ooooo, lips that are perfect, and if he doesn’t have his popular attitude he is nice to me.  Brett is just like a dream!  He is hilarious and he is so incredibly cute.  He talked to me, and on last Sunday I went with Kelly to the baseball fields in Oak Hill for one of Brian’s games.  Brett was there.  He was in tight baseball pants and his Colorado Rockies shirt (that’s the team he’s on).  He had on sunglasses and his hat on backwards.  He was sitting about ten feet in front of Kelly and me. The only thing is I know that I could never have a chance of just coming into one of their minds as someone they like.  I’m too fat, ugly, bookish, unpopular, and just not someone anyone would want to go out with except for people like ______ ______ (not that I have anything against him).  I still like Peter.  Peter is probably my best friend.  Peter is Perfect.  I think that this summer I can lose some weight.  I really want to.  By the way, Rachel is officially going out with Ryan.  They started April 1.  Oh!  I got Molly in our musical at church.  I also like a guy named Charles Keenan.  But I’m not as serious about him.  My favorites have changed a bit.  Emma Thompson is still my favorite actress.  Tom Cruise and Harrison Ford are tied.  So are several of Garth Brooks’s hits with “Strawberry Wine.”  Book – All of the Tamora Pierce books.  Movie – Much Ado About Nothing is tied with Emma and The Devil’s Own and I kinda like The Saint.  Boy(s) – B.C., B.H., P.Y., C.K.  Yesterday night I had a band concert.  We played La Bomba, A Whole New World, and Stand By Me.  I guess I oughta work on HW.  I’ll might [sic] write to you tomorrow.

Later,
Lizzie : )

It’s really hard not to be really sad while I read this post.  And no, I’m not talking just about all the glaring grammatical errors.  I was 12 years old and talking about losing weight over the summer.  12 years old.  And believe me, I’d already started a healthy (unhealthy) habit of lying about my weight at this point.  I can remember one of my fifth grade classmates asking everyone how much they weighed.  I think everyone around me was between 80 and 100 pounds.  I was probably 120, so I coolly replied I was 105.  I thought that would be appropriately high enough to acknowledge that I was bigger than most sitting there without admitting to the horrific truth.  No one was fooled.

This past Friday I was in San Antonio for a physical related to candidacy/ordination for the UMC.  I weigh 174 lbs.  I hope that’s not horrifying for you.  It’s not horrifying for me.  Though I’m not going to pretend I don’t plan to lose some weight before the semester ends.  At least, I really want to.

(Let’s be real, there are some pretty funny moments in this post, too.  “Eyelashes that make you go ooooo.”  Hilarious.)

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Dear Beatrice,
Sorry I haven’t written in a long time.  I need to update my favorites.  The only difference is that instead of Blake Cash being my favorite guy, Ian Witherspoon as my favorite guy.  He has longish (sort of) brown hair with the most beautiful blue
eyes I have ever seen.  He has braces and the best smile.  The only problem is he likes Sarah, I think.  He asked her to dance with him at the sock hop/cotillion.  Today I went bowling instead of P.E. and Connections.  This Sunday is Super Bowl XXXI.  Greenbay is playing the Patriots.  I guess that’s all I have to say for now.  I ❤ IAN WITHERSPOON!!!!

See Ya,
Lizzie

I ❤ I.W.

Oh right.  I think I remember Ian Witherspoon.  He was sort of medium-cute…

J/K!  I TOTALLY remember Ian Witherspoon.  Though I only really saw him at the monthly cotillion dances, I was pretty smitten by his blue (why underline that adjective?) eyes, and the fact that he was super nice, not that distant or impersonal, more-like-tolerant kind of nice.  Plus, I think I remember he laughed a lot at my jokes (and if you know me at all, you know how much laughing at my jokes can totally transform my esteem for a person).

And I think I liked the idea that if we ended up getting married, I could keep my initials.  I guess it’s ok we didn’t end up together since I’m probably keeping my name.  No need to keep Ian around to keep my initials.

Dear Beatrice,                                             Jan. 9, 1997
I’ve decided that not only do I like Blake Cash, but I kind of like Brett Hairston.  He’s medium cute, funny, average smarts, and popular.  He’s really nice to everyone.  I’m going to go watch a movie now.

Bye,
Lizzie

AHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAHAHAHA – “medium cute.”

Dear Beatrice,
Wuz [up arrow]?  Sorry I didn’t write yesterday.  Here’s the scoop on school.  Monday was really, really good.  In science, Mr. Beam had shaved over the holiday to just a moustache.  He told everyone that he’s planning on growing the goti [sic] back.  In band, we basically reviewed.  In Pre-Algebra, *Blake was really nice to me.  We cleaned out our notebooks.  In L.A. [language arts] we went to the library.  Today Mrs. Tucker was absent and we started our study of the Middle Ages.  Today was the first day of P.E.  It was pretty good.  We didn’t do much.  In Connections, we cleaned out our note book.  In language arts we worked on posters and took a practice test.  I think Softie is over his cold.  I’ll have to show you a picture of *C.B. sometime!  He’s really cute.  He wasn’t quite so conceded [sic] Mon.  He got a haircut over the holiday and his braces are Red & green.
Later,
Lizzie

I don’t really have much to say about this entry.  I’ll let the progression/reality of Monday was really, really good – My science teacher shaved – We didn’t do much in P.E. – My cat is over his cold stand alone.

Dear Diary,
I’ve decided that I need to give you a name.  Right now I like Emma Thompson, that plays Beatrice in Much Ado About Nothing.  So you are now Beatrice.  Happy New Year!  Tomorrow we start school.  It is also the day of Epiphany.  I’m really worried about my Report Card.  I didn’t get it in the mail.  Right now I’m listing [listening… fail] to All-4-One – “These Arms” on my Discman.  I think it is a really good song.  I don’t want to go to school the day after tomorrow because 2nd period I’ll have to go to P.E.  I’m going to keep track of all of my favorite stuff in you for the whole year.  Right now my favorite movie is Much Ado About Nothing, song – “These Arms,” boy – Blake Cash, class – band, food – coffee ice-cream, friend – Rachel Ramsey, t.v. show – Sabrina the Teen-aged Witch, and fav. book – Lioness Rampant.  Right now I’m on my way to youth group.  I wonder if Kelly will come.  She has alot of her family here right now.  I’ve got to go.  I’ll write you tomorrow about how school was.

P.S.                                                                                  See ya,
Hi!!                                                                                  Lizzie

First of all, I can’t even remember how “These Arms” goes.  Not one bit.

Second of all, you can tell how extremely cool I was in middle school: my favorite class was band, my favorite movie is a production of one of Shakespeare’s comedies, and I referred to my CD player by brand as ‘my Discman.’

Third, Blake Cash is not my favorite boy anymore; Kenneth Branagh’s Much Ado About Nothing is still one of my favorite movies.  If you didn’t know, Shakespeare is kind of a big deal.  Lots of people find him talented.  Also, the film features Kenneth Branagh, Emma Thompson, Denzel Washington, Keanu Reeves, and Robert Sean Leonard and Kate Beckinsale (neither of whom was a big deal at the time, thought RSL had already appeared in Dead Poet’s Society and many of you will know him from the TV show House).  Depending on how much BBC/PBS one watches, you may also recognize Richard Briers and Phyllida Law, and everyone should know Imelda Staunton for her appearance as Dolores Umbridge in the HP films at least, if not as Charlotte in Sense and Sensibility (also with Emma Thompson).  But more than that, this play contains the most extraordinary way I’ve ever heard someone say “I love you.”  Good.  Job.  Shakespeare.

See, Beatrice and Benedick sort of hate each other at the beginning, and their friends resolve to help them fall in love with each other.  Lots of little scenarios play out to make their feelings shift – hilarious and touching in nature.  But then at the point that Claudio, Benedick’s friend, has rejected Hero, Beatrice’s cousin, on the day of their wedding because he’s been tricked by the evil Don John into thinking Hero has been unfaithful to him, Beatrice goes into a chapel to pray, totally distraught over the situation.  Here’s what they say to one another:

BENEDICK

Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?

BEATRICE

Yea, and I will weep a while longer.

BENEDICK

I will not desire that.

BEATRICE

You have no reason; I do it freely.

BENEDICK

Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.

BEATRICE

Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her!

BENEDICK

Is there any way to show such friendship?

BEATRICE

A very even way, but no such friend.

BENEDICK

May a man do it?

BEATRICE

It is a man’s office, but not yours.

BENEDICK

I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is
not that strange?

UGH.  HOW AMAZING IS THAT?  Somehow, it’s just so much better than 3 little words without going on and on about it.  I do love nothing in the world so well as you. That Shakespeare, he’s no joke.

And just to be truthful with you, here are my new faves: movie – (this is always hard for me so I’ll go with my favorite I’ve seen this summer) Toy Story 3, song – (also hard to choose, but for now…) “Keep Breathing” by Ingrid Michaelson, boy – Jack Stafford, class – The Church’s Care for the Sick with Susan Dunlap, food – cinnamon schoolbook cookies from Trader Joe’s or strawberries, friend – (also a hard choice, but the excitement of having her near me again is not lost on me) Charlotte Savino, TV show – Glee, and fave book – Tomcat in Love.

my college roommate, Meg McCarthy, was visiting last week.  we wasted time between meals one afternoon by looking through my high school yearbooks and reading aloud from my diaries.  (i knew i was ok with the diary part because i’d read through a bunch of entries while cleaning my room for meg.  super productive, i know.)

so welcome to another part of my journey with truth.  it’s incredibly interesting, saddening, and hilarious to read through some of these.  my plan is to slowly make my way through the whole thing – here goes:

December 18, 1996                       (actually it’s Dec. 19)
Dear Diary,

I just got you today for my birthday.  My name is Lizzie.  I’ll tell you a secret.  I ❤ Blake Cash.  He is nice, but I don’t think he likes me.  I wish he liked me.  No one has ever liked me.  Christmas is in 1 week.  I can’t wait!  I have to get in bed.  It’s 12:20 A.M.  Write to you later.

Bye,
Lizzie

there’s something sweet about the way it’s written to someone, as though my diary will be uncomfortable with a stranger talking to it unless introduced and will be waiting anxiously for my next entry.  and then interesting that the immediate place i went next was SECRETS.  also, i’m not sure it was a secret that pretty much the whole 5th and 6th grade class liked Blake Cash.  he was one of about 7 guys everyone knew they were supposed to like.  then, the sad part.  although strange how one can flip from such frank honesty of feeling and low self-esteem to an informative statement.  i do like Christmas.



  • None
  • myjourneywithtruth: i had it in my office at my internship in Corpus Christi two summers ago. ellen davis is brilliant and glows with an aura of holy.
  • amy h: i love this quote. i think i may need it hanging on my wall where i'll see it daily. perhaps in front of the toilet? by the door? bedside table? i'll
  • chaz: That post made me really sad too. Mostly because I want to take young Lizzie by the shoulders and shake her (gently?) into sublime realization that sh

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